Empathy Promotion

Dear Sir or Madam:

Congratulations on your random selection to participate in an “Empathy Promotion Experiment.” We here at the Institute for Gender Harmony have put together a program aimed at informing heterosexuals of what intercourse is like from the perspective of the opposite sex.

You should have already received the supplies needed for this experiment.

If you are male:

Enclosed with this letter, you will find one die and a roulette wheel. Within the next few days, you will receive an offer from a female participant in our study to play a game.

The game goes thusly:

The female will meet you at a private location of your mutual choice, where the game will take place.

First, you will roll the die.

If you roll a 6, the female will provide you with three orgasms and a sandwich as she tells you how wonderful and precious you are.

If you roll a 5, you will be provided with one decent orgasm.

However, if you roll a 3 or 4, you will be forced to stare at the ceiling for an hour as the female sits on top of you and masturbates with no concern for your pleasure. You may try to escape, but your female counterpart has been instructed to get very angry and offended if you do.

If you roll a 1 or a 2, in addition to being forced to stare off as your female counterpart obliviously brings herself to orgasm, she will swiftly kick you in the genitals beforehand, causing you to spend the entire time in extreme amounts of pain. You will not be allowed to leave under any circumstance.

Next, you will spin the wheel.

If the ball lands on a number randomly selected based on the time of the month, you will be punched repeatedly in the stomach over the course of several months, then forced to pass a kidney stone the size of a golf ball. For the next two decades, you will be forced to raise it as your own flesh and blood, guarding it with your life, investing thousands of dollars of your own money into its care, and eventually paying for its college education, should we decide you must. It is entirely up to the female’s discretion whether or not she helps you with this process, as she is free to run away to play the game with other males as many times as she likes.

It is (usually) optional as to whether or not you play the game, but our female participants have been instructed to repeat the offers incessantly via phone, email, social networking, message boards, and personal solicitation, until you finally break down and agree to it.

If you are female:

You have probably noticed that at some point over the last week while you were asleep, an employee for our institute broke into your home and surgically grafted a pair of headphones to your ears.
As soon as the experiment begins, they will begin to play an infinitely looping version of Yoko Ono’s "Voice Piece for Soprano and Wish Tree” at an excessively high volume.

Federal laws require us to warn you that your headphones are equipped with sensors that detect the presence of males you find attractive and increase the “music’s” volume in proportion to your closeness to them, until it's reached such deafening volumes that it blocks out all rational thought. In other words, if you spend too long in the presence of a handsome man, you will soon hear, feel, and think of nothing but Ono’s hideous ululating.

You may use your dominant hand to temporarily lower the volume, but there is only way to get it to fully stop, and that is to convince a man to play the game.

It matters not what his results are. Upon proof that you have successfully convinced a man to play the game with you, your headphones will be silenced for exactly one day, after which they will slowly fade back to their normal volume over the course of a week.

You are allowed to use any means necessary to accomplish this. We do not care if you pay a man to play the game with you, but local law enforcement has been told to arrest you if you are caught doing this.

Forcing a man to play the game with you is an even more severe crime, punishable by several decades in prison and the permanent ruining of your life and reputation.

The experiment begins immediately, and lasts for the rest of your life. Participation is mandatory. If you have any complaints, feel free to pass them on to the god of your choice.

Have fun.


            The Institute for Gender Harmony

First of all, art.

Here's my Deviantart


Most of the pictures and stuff I produce will go there.

Also, I'm starting a webcomic. I'll talk about it more here than on this blog.

I just wanted to get that out of the way before I start going on about my personal life.